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Sexual Intimacy and Marriage
by Wyatt Fisher, Psy.D.
Men crave sexual intimacy to the same degree that women crave emotional intimacy. God created us to be sexual beings and to enjoy sexual union within the context of marriage. When speaking to a newlywed couple in the Song of Solomon, God admonishes them to, “…Drink and imbibe deeply, O lovers” (5:1, NASB). For most men, sexual intercourse is one of the most gratifying experiences they can enjoy with their spouse because it affirms their masculinity, brings deep satisfaction by uniting with their wives, provides relief and refuge from their daily stress, provides excitement and a sense of adventure, and provides a release for their sexual impulses.
However, despite this being one of the top needs for men, the minority of men are sexually satisfied in their marriages. In my private practice, multitudes of husbands have expressed their frustration and resentment over the infrequency of sexual intimacy with their wives. In contrast, newlywed couples tend to have a thriving sex life because of their curiosity and excitement about their newfound sexual freedom. During this phase, men tend to be very satisfied at the frequency and variety of sexual contact. However, as the newness wares off and the pressures of life creep in, the frequency of sex often decreases, much to the man’s displeasure. In addition, since women tend to have lower sex drives than men, they normally do not initiate sexual contact either. Furthermore, women often feel used or annoyed at their husband’s continual sexual desire and may misinterpret it as shallow or selfish. However, what they are failing to realize is that a man’s desire for sexual intimacy is just as powerful and valid as a woman’s desire for emotional intimacy. It is how he was made.
Therefore, it's wise for female Christian singles to become aware of these trends before entereing marriage. For those already married, it can be helpful to remember that most men feel a biological desire for sexual release every 2-3 days. Therefore, it can be helpful for wives to be mindful of this frequency. In addition, it can be helpful for wives to speak honestly with their husbands on how the sexual intimacy within their relationship could improve. Furthermore, it's recommended for wives to freely discuss what would bring them more pleasure during sexual activity as well in order to foster a mutually satisfying experience for both partners. The more wives understand and respect their husband’s deep desire for sexual intimacy, the more they will bless their husband and marriage in profound ways.