The Biggest Mistake Women Can Make While Dating
by Brenda Rodgers
I sat in my apartment all day one Sunday afternoon waiting for a guy to pick me up for our first date. He called me around noon to tell me his golf tee-time was pushed back and he'd be late. Then he called me again to tell me the golf course was further away from me than he thought, so it would take him even longer to get there. Then he called a third time to say that he was on his way. It was 5:00. He was four hours late.
What made it worse was when he finally arrived and told me he was too tired to go to dinner. He asked if it was okay to just go to Starbucks instead. Despite my grumbling stomach I said, "Sure", and we dated for three whole months. That's just one of my "stupid girl" stories as I like to call them. I could tell you countless more. You see, that night I made the biggest mistake a woman can make in dating. I forgot the source of my worth.
During the next three months of dating this guy nothing got better. The first date was a perfect indication of his overall character. But I got something from him that I didn't get if I wasn't dating anyone at all. I got attention. The loneliness of spending every weekend alone subsided. I became hopeful to finally get married. I was wanted. I felt wanted.
Even though the relationship was not a healthy one, it still fed me in a way that kept me coming back for more. Isn't that true with everything we do? If we strip back to layers of the decisions we make - whether it be to overeat or drink too much or get lost in social media or overspend or countless others - we find that even though we feel horrible about the decision later, there's something it gives us in the moment that makes us keep going back to it. For me dating relationships, even unhealthy ones, gave me a sense of worth.
As I talk to single women and hear stories of their dating lives, I find that the same is true for many of them, too. They know that a relationship is less than what they'd hope for. They know it is not God's best for them. But, well, at least it's someone, and someone is better than nothing. This disillusionment is what leads to lifelong decisions with painful outcomes. Forgetting that her worth comes from God, and God alone, is the biggest mistake a woman can make in dating.
A woman's worth is not based on how often she dates or whether she has a boyfriend or even whether she's been kissed. A woman's worth is not based on what a man tells her or what he doesn't tell her or how he treats her. A woman's worth is not decided by a diamond symbol on her ring finger. When we forget this, we allow ourselves to be treated in ways that do not reflect our value from God.
Do you believe that you have intrinsic worth that cannot be supplemented or decreased? Do you believe that your intrinsic worth comes from God and God alone?
Your answers to these questions will guide your responses to dating situations like mine above. When you believe the source of your worth comes from God, you are free to make wise, healthy choices that reflect that worth. You no longer feel the urgency to "settle" in a dating relationship or "just put up with" someone because you trust that God has established your worthiness and He wants His best for you.
Today resolve to believe and respond to the truth that your worth is from God and God alone.
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After years as a single woman chasing after marriage instead of chasing after Jesus, Brenda considers herself a “recovering single.” Now her passion is mentoring young women to live purposeful, faith-filled lives while holding on to their hearts' desires. She writes for single women at her blog, Triple Braided. You can also find her on Facebook and Twitter. Brenda and her husband live in North Carolina with their sweet toddler girl.
How can you make your worth come from God rather than others?