God's View Instead Of Our Culture's View On The Ideal Partner
by ChristianCrush Team
Scientists have finally discovered why Channing Tatum movies are in such high demand. Ask any woman on the street to describe the looks of her perfect man, and you will probably receive an answer that applies to almost all women. Facial symmetry, strong jawlines, and wide, muscular shoulders often make the top of the list. It’s not because all women are secretly all the same person – there is a science to attraction, and some masculine features are plainly more valued than others. Channing happens to embody a lot of them.
But what about all the guys who look more like Steve Buscemi than dashing Mr. Tatum? According to this line of reasoning, no woman would ever give Steve a second look. Luckily for people who aren’t gifted with society’s view of perfection, people still appreciate what’s on the inside. From a solid job to social skills, women agree that men who have good-looking insides are just as desirable as steamy outsides. Even then, the things we find attractive in a potential partner can surprise us. Envy often plays a part – if a woman sees a man on a date with someone else, his desirability often increases.
It’s no surprise to me that women like good looking men. Just look at popular culture! We are obsessed with good-looking people and, for that matter, constantly redefining what “good-looking” even means. There’s even a company called Instant Chemistry that works with matchmakers to use biological tests to help determine compatibility. I’m not joking; they actually take a cheek swab, add the results to a database, and use the information to match couples.
The world certainly moves at an astonishing pace. A decade ago, online dating was the black sheep of the love world, and now we literally test people to find them a partner. Don’t get me wrong – I think it could be a brilliant idea that saves some people a lot of time and energy. But sometimes the scientific approach to love makes it feel like the organic blossom of love is over-predicted and ignored for the sake of science.
So what would a successful love life really look like?
- God would have room to work
- We would be open to His plans
- His wisdom would be our wisdom
What do I mean by that?
Through all this science I like to believe that we still leave God room to work. It can be far too easy to jump into scientific proofs, leaving God and His plans in a little box. A successful life is spent looking to God for every move and trusting Him instead of our own understanding (Prov. 3:5-7). When we start to feel smart and smug about the things we are capable of, it’s time for a reality check. No amount of preparedness – whether in the form of symmetry or cheek swabs – can give us a perfect romance. Instead of relying 100% on a group of lab coats who tell us what we will probably like, it’s important to lean on God’s wisdom, too. That way we can say “we have depended on God’s grace, not on our own human wisdom” (2 Corinthians 1:12b). Leaning on God’s wisdom includes looking for a partner with the same values and beliefs, looking for someone who displays godly qualities, and looking for someone who you feel God is calling you to. In addition, remember that God often uses your closest friends and family for wisdom so be sure to get their feedback on the people you are dating. Lastly, focus much more on internal attraction than extrenal attraction. Don’t let our culture define the ideal man or woman for you. Let God define it. Ask Him to give you His head and heart for discernment as you connect with other singles and build relationships that honor Him.
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Dr. Wyatt Fisher is a licensed psychologist in the state of Colorado, has a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology, and specializes in marriage therapy. He blogs at /relationship/
What qualities do you feel God would want you to look for in a partner and why?