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Humility | 3 Ways To Cultivate It Today!
by Wyatt Fisher, Psy.D.
Cultivating humility for dating and marriage is essential for relational success. However, many people struggle knowing how to do so and what it looks like. In essence, cultivating humility requires a person to look at their own growth areas and own them, rather than getting defensive and dismissing them. The more teachable and humble you are, the more likely you'll work through conflicts successfully and heal wounds effectively with your spouse. This video will walk you through three practical steps to cultivating humility that will bless your relationships today.
Welcome to another live addition of Relationship Hot Spot. I'm Dr. Wyatt Fisher, owner of Christian Crush. Today, we're going to be talking about the importance of cultivating humility in your romantic relationships. Humility is one of the top qualities to cultivate. A lot of people don't really know what that means or how to cultivate it so I'm going to try to break it down into three steps today. So that's what we're doing, three steps to humility.
1-Be Open To Feedback
Number one, be open to feedback. So many people, especially in romantic relationships, are not open to feedback. They don't want to hear what they're not good at. They don't want to hear where their blind spots are. They don't want to hear where they're screwing up or where they're missing up in some way, but by not being open to that feedback, they're limiting not only the closeness they could experience with their partner by being open but they're also limiting how God may want to be growing them. So being open to feedback, it's critical.
When you're open to feedback, your partner's going to feel safer to approach you. If you're doing a behavior that's difficult for them and vice versa, if they know you get defensive or angry if they approach you with something you're not doing well in, then it's going to shut them down and make them not want to approach you and talk about those kind of things. So be really mindful of being open to what your partner has to say about areas where you could improve.
2-Pray For Truth
Two, pray for truth. Now, when you get feedback, you want to really be open to what is the truth that I'm hearing here. What is the kernel of truth in this because part of our flesh tends to get defensive? Then, we want to rationalize it away and dismiss it, and think of all the reasons why this occurred, and we don't want to take responsibility for it. But there's usually a kernel of truth with what it says about you, and this is where the sanctification process comes in where God uses romantic relationships to refine us to become more like Jesus.
So be open to that process and ask God, "How are you trying to grow me through this feedback? What growth area are you trying to highlight in life right now? How can I become more like you in this relationship? Constantly ask those questions. And when you do and you're praying for truth, you'll start to get your hand around where you can improve, and where you can get better in, and how you can honor Christ more in that close relationship. And most likely, that growth area for you is applicable in multiple relationships. It's a blessing that those things come out in romantic relationships.
3-Own and Confess
Third, own and confess. When you're getting this feedback and you start praying for truth, start owning these areas that you need to improve in. There's nothing wrong with that, and actually, it's so admirable when you meet someone and they say, "Yeah, I'm good in this and this, but I also struggle with this, and this, and this. Someone who's aware and is able to articulate both their strengths and their weaknesses, that's a very healthy person. You don't want to be able to articulate only one or the other. If someone's only aware of their strengths and not their weaknesses, that's not good. And if someone's only aware of their weaknesses and not their strengths, that's also not good. You want to be aware of both and be able to integrate that together.
So when you are becoming aware of your growth area, you want to own it. You want to be able to say to your partner, "Yeah, you know what, you're right. I do have a tendency to do a, b, and c. I can see it and you're right. I need to work on that. Let me think about where they came from and let's brainstorm together on how I can improve on that." The more you do that and cultivate a teachable spirit, the more it's going to help your partner have empathy towards you for that behavior, and the easier it's going to be for them to forgive you towards any resentment they may have built up because of your behavior and vice versa. The more defensive you are and resistant, and you don't want to hear that feedback, and you don't see your behavior, you won't own it, that's just going to create this resentment and anger for your partner because they feel like they can't have a voice or have any influence over what you do in the relationship.
Now granted, in successful relationships, you want to accept one another. However, you also want to be open to modifying your behavior out of love and respect for your partner, so both are important. So to cultivate humility, I just want to encourage you to remember these three steps: be open to feedback, pray for truth, own it, and then confess it. Take care.
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What are some other ways humility could be cultivated in relationships?