Dating Confusion and Paths to Clarity

Dating Confusion and Paths to Clarity

by ChristianCrush Team

No one seems to know what is going on. Are they on a date, or are they just friends? Modern dating simply feels more complicated than it used to. We have become used to ambiguity and what’s worse, we aren’t sure we would prefer the alternative.


The myth of true love was long ago debunked by an overarching fear of getting hurt and, of course, never actually finding that true love. Whether it’s possible or not, many people think it’s not worth the risk to be in a loving, committed relationship at all (Stanley 2014). When a relationship’s status is ambiguous, it makes both sides feel as though they are safe. It’s an easy way to convince yourself that no matter which way things go, your emotions will remain unharmed. Put plainly: “it can hurt more when you do not get what you long for” (Stanley 2014, pp. 5).


Couples (or friends, if you prefer) who avoid the “label” of boyfriend/girlfriend are famous for ambiguity. They might yearn desperately for a lifetime partner, but accepting that other person means putting thems at risk for heartache. Sometimes it just takes a few minutes of talking to create a healthier relationship. When a couple remains ambiguous they miss out on the joy of commitment.


I know quite a few people, including myself, who have had relationships that got stuck in the rut of ambiguity. Some are smart and only let it last a week or two. Others are so worried about getting hurt that they injure themselves running away from a final answer. Of all the things for a couple to discuss, I would think that the future would be at the top of the list. It just makes sense – why be together today if you don’t want to be together tomorrow?


Almost worse than couples who don’t admit they want to be romantic are single dates that don’t have an obvious purpose. The classic scenario involves the guy who doesn’t appear to care, while the girl drives herself crazy trying to figure out what’s going on. It might work for one half of the people in the room, but for the other half it can be torture.


God doesn’t give us much room to fudge in life, much less relationships. Galatians 6:7-8 reminds us that we will reap what we sow. The more ambiguity you create in your dating life, the less likely you will ever feel comfortable enough to believe God’s plan for your life.


When you find yourself stuck in the muck of an ambiguous date, first pray about the whole situation. Remember that even during the worst dates, God is right there with you. Your own ears will hear Him. Right behind you a voice will say, ‘This is the way you should go’” (Isaiah 30:21). If you really feel like this is where you are supposed to be and that the person is worth your time (Prov. 13:20), it’s time to ditch the ambiguity and talk about the future.  The only way you’ll ever find that love your heart seeks is if you sit down with it and plan your next date!


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 Dr. Wyatt Fisher is a licensed psychologist in Denver, CO and founder of a Couples Retreat, a Christian Dating Site for Christian Singles, a Couples Bible Study, and a Porn Addiction Seminar.





How clear do you prefer your dating relationships to be and why?

Comments (6)

I prefer the Ruth/Boaz - in Ruth 2 vs 13 and Isaac / Rebecca type of relationship in Genesis 24 v 67, the straight forward type. Isaac never played with Rebecca emotions when she was introduced to him by Eleazer, Isaac took her because He was comforted by her. Ruth too in Ruth 2 v 13, says she was comfortable with Boaz. I believe if you find a partner that you are spiritually and physically comfortable during dating , you should be serious like Boaz says in Ruth 2 v 8 , "Glean no further than this relationship". James 1 v 8 says -lack of indecision is also a decision that will give you nothing good at the end. You being on dating site is a decision but playing around people emotion, creating anxiety, causing them hurt is also a negative decision that will not help the doer.
By on July 13, 2014 @ 8:16am MT 78

Dr. WyattThanks Faith Lami...I appreciate your ideas on someone you are spiritually and physically comfortable with.
By Dr. Wyatt on July 13, 2014 @ 4:29pm MT

I really enjoyed this article. It made me think about what it is that I am looking for. I think that by the third or forth date that I would like to have a clear view about where a relationship could be going.
By on July 12, 2014 @ 1:32pm MT 78

Dr. WyattThanks Trmac...yes, knowing what you are looking for can be really helpful in the dating process
By Dr. Wyatt on July 13, 2014 @ 4:28pm MT

The Bible tells us to tell the truth, the truth will set us free. If you don't think your relationship is going anywhere, tell the person as kindly and directly as possible. They deserve the truth and the emotional freedom to find the person God has picked for them.
By on July 11, 2014 @ 9:46pm MT 78
Dr. WyattAmen SweeterThanChocolate...speaking the truth in love is always best.
By Dr. Wyatt on July 15, 2014 @ 11:06am MT

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